Mother's Day thoughts....

So here we are. Mother's Day. What a special day to celebrate being a mother.

I painfully remember 11 years ago. I remember getting the results of our fertility tests back, with the startling and devastating reality that we were never going to have children. I remember begging and bargaining with God about having a child of my own. I remember that Mother's Day. It was so painful to watch all the mothers go forward at church. I had to leave the service, for it was a pain that I could not bear. I didn't understand God's plan. All I knew was that I thought God must be awful. How could he punish us this way??

Fast forward 11 years. I sat in church with my TWO, beautiful children. I heard them lift up their voices to that same God that I once thought so terrible and hurtful. My heart was filled with gratitude and love that God DID hear my pleading and bargaining and gave me not ONE, but two children! And He didn't stop there........

This month will mark our 9th month! A completed pregnancy! I know now that our little one is born and living somewhere out in this big world. He or she is waiting to become a part of a loving, caring, God fearing family. Next year, I will sit with not only the two greatest children in the world, but I will sit with THREE tiny miracles by a God of LOVE!

Happy Mother's Day and may we have many, many more wonderful Mother's Days!

Startling realization......

Sunday was Easter. We had a great service. We decided to stay around for the Easter cantata presented by the church choir. We moved over into the overflow area of our church so that the elderly people could sit in the seats in the main auditorium. We sat behind Sarah, one of the new moms that I have on my PAT caseload. Sarah gave birth to a beautiful baby boy around the end of March.

As I sat behind Sarah and watched her interact with her beautiful new baby boy, I came to the realization that our baby has probably now been born. He (or she I suppose) is probably about the same age as baby Jackson. He is probably making the same little grunting noises and puckering his mouth in a cute way. As I sat, I became emotionally stirred. I began to wonder who is holding my baby boy? Who is talking gently to him and caressing his face? Whose eyes is he gazing into today? It made me very sad that I cannot be that one doing those things. It made my heart hurt to think that he is out there somewhere without me.

I also had another realization.......I need to pray now more than ever for my little boy (or girl). I need to pray for their birth mother and this decision that she is about to make. I need to pray for her spiritual strength and guidance. Prayers should go up for her financial blessing and the ability to feed herself so that my baby (our baby) has enough nourishment to grow. I need to pray for those who work for CHI in Eth. I have to pray for each nanny, Tsegay, Almaz, and anyone else who may have access to our little one.

In a few short months, I will be able to look at the face of my new child. Someday I will hold him in church and touch his tiny face. I will talk to him gently and meet his every need. Until then, I must continue to realize that we need God more than ever and we must stay in prayer for this little one.

Ok......I'm weak......I'll admit!

Well, today marks a momentus day in the history of our adoption.

At the beginning of this adoption process, I said that I would not call, email, text, or carrier pigeon our adoption consultant asking what number I am on the waiting list. I had made up my mind that I was strong and independent and did not need a "majic number" to make me feel better.

Today.....in a moment of weakness, I broke down and emailed Nicky. I DID, indeed ask for the "majic number". Her response was far from what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that I was in the top ten and that I could be expecting a call anyday. What she DID say, was that we are number 31 on the over all list. She said that we can expect a referral toward the beginning of summer and possibly travel in early Fall. Fall is good....I like Fall.

So.....to those who are sitting in disbelief and shock over my actions today.....I apologize. I was weak!

Seven months, Five days!

Hello all! Just thought I better post a little something so you would all know that we are still here.....and STILL waiting! You know, the wait never seemed to bother me before. I would always laugh about those ladies that would obsess about the yahoo groups and check the agency site dozens of times a day. But guess what?? I think I am becoming ONE OF THOSE! :)

No, really though.....the wait it getting longer each day. Now that everyone in our community has their children (or going shortly--Redburns), we are suddenly feeling lonely and isolated. Where we once had scads of friends to call and talk about "the wait", we now find ourselves incredibly lonely. It's a sad place! People always give us those encouraging words about, "When it happens, it will be perfect" and while I know this is true.....it really doesn't make it any easier!

So, there is nothing new to tell.....we are just hanging out, staying busy, and waiting for God to drop a bombshell on us! (As if the news of TWO trips to Eth. was not "bombshell" enough!) The next bombshell we are are hoping for something GOOD!

Thanks for hanging in there with us! Love to all!

The "Labor Pains" of adoption

On March 14, we have been "paper pregnant" for 7 months. Typically, at this point in a "regular" pregnancy, anticipation begins to set in. Mothers begin nesting and getting things ready for their new arrival. They suffer sleepless nights and occasional "pains" associated with this little one.

Last night, we received news about a change in the process of Ethiopian adoptions....it is a change that has caused me some "labor pains" today.

One reason we chose Ethiopia was that we only had to make one trip to Ethiopia and it was a fairly short, painless process. (HA!) Now, they have changed the process to require a SECOND trip. Not only will this be a tremendous added expense for us, but it was prolong the process for us even more......

In my pain, a good friend shared some good advice to help me get through this "pain".

"If it's God's WILL, then it's God's BILL!!"

I must stand on this and know that HE will make a way where there seems to be NO WAY. And things will be even better than they were before! He will get the glory and honor in this adoption!

6 months....

We finally hit our 6 month waiting mark yesterday. It really has went by relatively quick....Each day, I think , "Today is the day!" Only to be disappointed. But you know, it really isn't disappointing. I KNOW that God is preparing OUR child for our family. I know that when it is God's perfect time, and He says, "Ok, NOW I'm ready to give you your baby," that it will be perfect and right. So, that makes the wait so much easier.

I have been blessed by such awesome friends through this process. The Simmons, Pritchetts, Redburns, Loos, Hogans, Toni Lynch, and many, many others that have showed their love and encouragement to us and have meant more than words can say! I thank God that He gives us people to walk hand in hand with us and help us through the process.

So, for now, we WAIT! Someday, you are going to jump on here and think, "I think I will check out Amy's blog," only to read those LOOOONNNGGG awaited words, "WE GOT OUR REFERRAL!" I can't wait for that day.....but it MUST be GOD'S time!! :O)

And then there was one.....

So when we started this process, there were several other families in our community that we knew were in the process of adoption at all different levels. Our best friends, the Simmons family, actually dropped their application in the mailbox at the exact same time that we did....after a wonderful prayer service with our kids. It was a special moment as I knew this journey would be something that would connect us forever. Then one of my PAT families suddenly announced that they were starting the process for adoption. The principal of Mark Twain and his wife are good friends and our boys have been very close for years. At her son's birthday party, she told me THEY were in the process of adopting from Ethiopia. In the Fall, I came to find out that a former coach for Rolla and her husband were adopting from Ethiopia as well. Wow! So many people all adopting from the same place. Awesome. Well, let me update you on what has gone since Aug. 09....

The Pritchett family brought their beautiful two boys home in June (I think June) Muluken and Dawit are wonderful additions to their family. We were honored to have them in our home last weekend. They are delightful, playful, and very well mannered.

The Simmons' family accepted the referral of a beautiful little 4 year old boy in October. Conor has beautiful, big brown eyes and scrumptious chubby cheeks....I can't wait to hug and kiss on him...hopefully in February.

It is my understanding that over Christmas break, the Scott family accepted a referral for a gorgeous 3 month old baby boy.

And on Wednesday, the Redburn's called to tell me the exciting news that they accepted the referral of not ONE but TWIN 6 year old boys! Hopefully they will be able to travel late Spring or early summer. I can't wait to see how this awesome family blends with these two special blessings!

And.......then there was ONE. Guess who the "one" is?? :) Yes, I am trying to stay focused and positive, but one is a lonely number........still waiting.............